Wednesday, 13 April 2016

On Fondly Remembering


April 13th is a day that I won't ever forget.

It was on this day, in 2001, that my Gran passed away.

It was particularly tough because I was probably closer to my Gran than I was to my Mum. That has changed now I'm older but at the time it was more than likely down to the situation with my Mum and being the hormonal (read mental) teenager that I was; but I took it hard.

I didn't really stop to think at the time how it would impact my Mum. Or my Sister. Or my Stepdad in some way. If  I was hormonal before my Gran passed away then I went off the rails mental after she died. A death of a loved one does not excuse the sort of behaviour I had but it can impact you. Quite badly or deeply.

However 15 years have passed since my Gran left us and, as it always does with grief, it got easier. Now I just remember her with fond memories. Her jokes, her cackle for laughter, her stories and poems. I think I took my love for writing after her. My Gran joined a poetry group, for company as much for her love of writing, and I'll always remember a poem she had written about a windy night. The specific text I don't recall but I do remember one part saying she was struggling to sleep and then later on she had written "when I awoke" and her friends laughed because obviously she had managed to fall asleep at some point.

You know sometimes you have a Gran or an Aunt that you think "oh my God, please don't let me get stuck looking after her" for whatever reason? Well that wasn't my Gran. She'd be the one sitting at the back of the room, smoking a cigarette, having a cup of tea, and having a good old chat about everything and anything. She was pretty self-sufficient and independent. She was absolutely mortified when she had to get a mobility scooter because she was struggling to get to the shops. Even when she got it, only she was allowed to deal with it.

If my Gran was still alive today, she'd be 88 on her birthday which, spooky to say, she shared with Husband's Dad and one of my nieces! I can just imagine her with Z and Miss C, and of course, my Sister's daughter Miss K. They would find her the funniest Great Gran and she would ply them with sweeties and chocolates, treats from the bakers, butchers and fish mongers for dinner and, if it were still there, a DVD or magazine from Woolworths at least once a week. My Gran wasn't a cuddler or kisser but she listened and she spoke truthfully. She didn't beat about the bush as it were. And when she did give you a cuddle or a kiss, it was with great affection and love.

I think she would have liked Husband too...and he would have liked her.

I often see a little robin in our garden and I've often heard people say that robins are a sign a loved one is watching over you. I'm not sure if that's true but I do hope she's watching over us from wherever she is.

She often said she'd be looking up at us instead of down but I don't really believe that either.

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